Take Care of Yourself

I remember talking to a mom a couple of months ago who has two older sons. She was complaining about how she didn’t get her nap in that day and honestly, I wanted to reach out and slap her! But, I controlled myself and muttered mean things under my breath as I walked away from that conversation. You see, I have not had a nap in probably two years. Ever since my now 4-year-old daughter refused to take naps as soon as she turned 2. The conversation inside of my head went something like this, “What the heck lady! You’re complaining about not getting your daily nap today?!? How about not getting that peaceful restful nap for 2 years? Come on! You Suck.”

Now, I know my attitude was not the greatest. Ok, I was the one who sucked that day (that probably would have been a good time to grab a pen and paper and begin writing the things I’m thankful for). But really, something I did come away from that conversation with was an excuse that worked for me. Out of that conversation, I realized that it had been so long since I had taken a nap and that I was literally jealous of this lady. Something was not right. I knew something in my life had to change.

One of the most difficult things for me to do as a mom is take care of myself. With a husband, 4 children, a puppy, 2 pregnant goats, a llama, and 12 chickens running around, I kind of have my plate full. I do not have time to take a nap, and I tend to feel guilty when I do take some extra time for myself.  

Guilty. I think this is a very common feeling for moms. A mom may feel guilty because she is so tired and worn out that the only energy she has for that particular day is to feed her kids when they’re hungry. Or, a mom may feel guilty because she left her baby to cry in their crib a bit longer than normal because she just needed to sit in silence. Some moms feel guilty leaving their kids with a babysitter. Other moms feel guilty because they can never find a babysitter, so they’re always bailing out on plans at the last minute.

There are a lot of moms out there who are dying inside because they are so tired. They walk around in their sweat pants and holy shirts all day, just getting by, themselves. A mom needs to be able to have it be ok to take a shower. A mom needs it to be ok to sleep in late one morning. A mom needs it to be ok to be able to go out alone or with a friend to sit and enjoy a cup of coffee or a good book (by ALONE I mean “without kids”). Dads listen to me: your wife needs you to give her the ok to go out and be a woman! She will be a much better wife and mom when she takes the time to take care of herself.

By “taking care of yourself”, I don’t mean stop taking care of you family. I’m talking here to the moms who have a hard time putting down their children so they can have their own basic needs met. I’m also speaking to the moms who are so overwhelmed with mommyhood, that they don’t know how to make time for themselves to get out of the house ALONE. I’m speaking to the moms out there who do not feel beautiful because their lives are so wrapped around their children, they do not make time to feel beautiful. These are the moms I want to reach and encourage.

Worshiping God in the Mundane

As a stay-at-home mom, I struggled with feeling like what I do doesn't matter. With constantly cleaning the house, folding the clothes, and doing the dishes, I let my mind go there; I would get down on myself and think of how tedious and boring my life was.

I read this book called: The Quotidian Mysteries by Kathleen Norris. One quote in particular really hit home for me:

"It is a paradox of human life, that in worship, as in human love, it is in the routine and the everyday that we find the possibilities for the greatest transformation. Both worship and housework often seem perfunctory. And both, by the grace of God, may be anything but. At its Latin root, perfunctory means "to get through with," and we can easily see how liturgy, laundry and what has traditionally been conceived as "women's work" can be done in that indifferent spirit. But the joke is on us: what we think we are only "getting through" has the power to change us, just as we have the power to transform what seems meaningless-the endless repetitions of a litany or the motions of vacuuming a floor. What we dread as mindless activity can free us, mind and heart, for the workings of the Holy Spirit, and repetitive motions are conducive to devotions..."

As I finished the book, I went back and looked over this quote and realized how true it is. If I see what I do everyday as a way to worship God, then my purpose in life is to worship God. What a GREAT mission and life-purpose! We are called to worship God in everything we say and do, so if I can praise God while I'm feeling stuck in the mundane, how many more areas of my life can I have that same attitude? If I can worship God when I'm alone and quiet or at church, I can definitely worship God while changing diapers and picking up dog poop. If I can worship God while I'm hiking in the wilderness or singing worship songs in my car, I can definitely worship God while I'm washing the 50th dish of the day or folding the 105th item of clothing. If I have an attitude of worship and my life-purpose is worshiping God, then everything I find myself doing can be bringing praise and glory to God if I let it.

Friends

Something that is truly important as a mom is to have a friend (or friends) you can laugh with, trust, and really lean on when you need help. Let’s be honest, every mom whose ever been a mom needs a break every now and then. Every mom needs someone they can call up and say, “Hey, I need some help.”

Being a mom can be very isolating and lonely, especially when you don’t have that friend you can call up and say, “Hey, I need a friend.” It can be a huge struggle for moms to get out on play dates, moms groups, Bible studies, etc…but I highly recommend doing something, even if it’s once a month. If you are not involved in a group, get on Facebook and see if anyone is interested. You’d be surprised at how many lonely moms there are out there that may not have the courage to reach out and start something!

I actually did this a few months ago. I was feeling lonely, uninvolved, and wanted a friend. I looked around for a MOPS group and the closest one to me had a waiting list, and the other two in town were closing down. MOPS is a great way to meet friends and be encouraged, this is why I wanted to join a group, but it didn’t help me to be on a waiting list. I didn’t want to get involved in a Bible Study, because I’m kind of anti-homework right now.

Don’t get me wrong, Bible Studies are great for some women! I just happen to be in a place in my life where it seems a bit overwhelming and cumbersome to me to have to read a chapter in a book and endlessly bounce around my Bible so I can fill in the blanks for the next week. Honestly, I’m not trying to knock Bible Studies, and I know I will probably get some heated feedback from die-hard Bible Study people. I’m more speaking to the moms out there who may find joining a Bible Study a little too much right now.

So, not because of my lack of trying, I decided to appeal to my Facebook friends. I figured (as I usually do) that if I was lonely, maybe there was another lonely mom out there who would join me in starting a play group. I posted something simple like: “Anyone out there want to join a new play date group? If so, what day of the week works best for you?”  Sure enough, three moms responded. Since we started, only one mom has joined me in our Tuesday morning play groups. It’s small, but, I have my friend! I accomplished my mission! Yay for social media!

Sanctus Real sings a song that talks about the need for friendship. We were created with a unique need for relationship. Yes, we most definitely need God, but we also need each other. Here are some of the lyrics to their song, “We Need Each Other”:

Oh, oh, we need each other so what’s the fighting for
Oh, oh, we need each other, please don’t close the door
Oh, oh, we need each other through all the highs and lows
Oh, oh, we need each other and I don't wanna be alone

I need you, you need me
'Cause that’s the way it’s meant to be
I need you, we need each other
I don’t want to be alone

So, if you are a mom and you are feeling isolated and lonely, and you are not already involved in a mom’s group, play group, or Bible Study, I highly encourage you to find one or start your own. We were created to be in relationship with one another, so step out of your comfort zone and make a friend!

Our Minds

We need to focus on where our minds are. Paul says in Colossians 3:1-2:

“Since, then, you have been raised with Christ, set your hearts on things above, where Christ is, seated at the right hand of God. Set your minds on things above, not on earthly things.”

It’s hard to be down on yourself when you are praising God and setting your mind on things above. It’s very hard to be in a bad mood or snap at your children when you are thanking the Lord for the good things He’s done in your life. Try it sometime and see what happens. See how long you can continue being mad at the world when you are writing a list of things you are thankful for. This is actually something I have done with my oldest son. There have been times he has been very upset over something and his “punishment” has been to write a list of 50 things he’s thankful for. If he complains, I up it to 100, so he has learned very quickly to just quietly walk away and write the 50 things he’s thankful for. When he comes back with his list, he is much easier to talk to about his attitude, or whatever situation needs to be addressed.

When we intentionally set our minds on Christ, filling it with things that are good such as Bible verses, wholesome music, and books that are uplifting and encouraging, we begin to see a change in our attitudes and outlook on life. We begin to find ways to praise the Lord while we’re making dinner; we learn that we can pray for our children and husband as we do their laundry; we can thank the Lord for our children as we change dirty diapers; we can pray for our child’s future as we rock them at night and try to get them to go back to sleep.

You see, our mind is where everything starts. If we are able to focus our thoughts on good things and keep our thoughts there, our outlook on the day becomes much brighter.

One thing I’ve done to help keep my mind on things above, is I make sure I have worship music playing while I’m making dinner. This seems to drown out the excess noise and helps me focus my thoughts on the Lord. I’ve also left my Bible open to a certain passage on the counter (usually Psalms), so while I’m running around getting snacks and drinks for the kids during the day, I’m able to stop and look down for a minute, grab a verse and mull it over. I have heard of moms placing key Bible verses in common areas (the mirror in their bathroom, by the speedometer in their car, on their kitchen sink, on the fridge, on their computer screen) so they can keep their minds focused on the Lord.