Greece

I, like many other people, have had my heart broken by the countless stories of death and tragedy that is occurring right now with the refugee crisis. I have wanted so badly to do something--but have been unsure of what to do as this crisis is unlike any other humanitarian crisis our world has seen to date. I'm bothered and angered by the responses I get---mostly the ones who say, "the problem is too big" and that's where they leave it--like it's just going to go away...or maybe if they don't think about it, they won't feel guilty about doing nothing.

I've heard people, mostly Americans, say it's Europe's problem. What they don't get is Europe doesn't even want them. Europe may not be as explicit in their language, but their actions have clearly shown their distaste for the refugees by building walls along their borders to prevent the refugees from getting in.

I hear of wonderful organizations feeding, clothing and giving medical aid to the refugees. I hear of the incredible Greek people who already have nothing giving out of their nothingness and I'm moved to tears. You see, it's so much easier to do nothing--but the Greeks are witnessing it first hand and they are moved to action because they see the faces of each man woman and child that comes to their shore and that moves them to action.

So, after lots of prayer and thinking and researching, I'm going to ask the question, "how can Greece use this opportunity to better its economy?" I have an idea...it's going to take a lot of hands and money, and this will not solve the whole refugee crisis, but maybe it's a start, at least for Greece.

Let start with the question, "What do the refugees need once they arrive in Greece?" Well, let's look at who they are. A Newsweek article says that an estimated 56% of Syrian refugees are under the age of 20--so they need schools.  The UN Refugee Agency, or the UNHCR, conducted a study between April 2015-September 2015 of refugees arriving in Greece. What they found is that 86% of the refugees they interviewed had a secondary or university level education--so they need jobs and they're educated. And of course, they need housing.

So, now, let's start with the Greek economy. It's is not good. A simple google search will show that their unemployment rate is at 24% and one in three homes is vacant---yes, some of those are vacation homes and secondary homes but I'm still including those in the numbers here. So, we know that Greece has a high unemployment rate and a lot of vacant homes...which gets me to my next point.

Greek housing prices are at an all-time low. A simple Google search shows that one can purchase a 10 bedroom apartment complex for 350,000 Euros or you can purchase a small one bedroom apartment for as little as 7,500 Euros (now, I know this is the very low end, but still!). There are many store fronts, office buildings, and industrial spaces for sale---place of business with no businesses in them--for really cheap.

Now, what if Greece created incentives for the Syrians to stay in Greece and open the storefronts, creating new businesses that employ the Greek people who need jobs so desperately? What if Greece used the vacant housing situation for the Syrian refugees so they can stay in a safe and warm home with a roof over their heads? What if Greece built more schools to so the Syrian children can get the education they so desire?

Now...I know this is a lot to ask of Greece, so now I want to ask the churches, businesses, and other organizations a question: what if you bought that one bedroom apartment for $7500 Euros and adopted a Syrian family, helping them with job training or finding a job or even help them open a new place of business? What if you gave that home to the Syrian family, giving them stability for the first time since they fled their home? What if you were able to change the life of one family or one person---and as a ripple effect, it changed the course of two countries? I'm talking not just about Greece but the future Syria. Now---what if you were able to buy a 10 bedroom apartment complex for 350,000 Euros and help 10 families? What kind of an impact would that make?

My hope is that this will create some dialogue and maybe spur some to action. Thanks for reading.

May my Failures Point them to You

As I was praying this morning, I was praying that God would give us a new vision for life that included our children. It dawned on me that the visions we were very generously given by God in the past, had room for our kids, but I had taken them out of it. Maybe it was because I didn't know how to incorporate them...or maybe...and quite possibly with more truth to it, but uglier to admit....it was because deep down, I wanted to do it all on my own. I wanted to manage and manipulate those visions to look like something that probably looked very different than what God had intended. I took those visions, got excited about them, and then tried to force them into a me-sized-box. In the end, when none of my forcing, squeezing, and manipulating worked, I felt like a failure. And then I looked at my kids and this fear began to grow inside of me. I feared that I had, through my selfishness and manipulativeness, damaged them for life.

As I dwell on this fear, I realize how many other parents have felt the same way about what they have done or how they have treated their children. How many of us have allowed that fear to permeate our lives, allowing it to take control of who we are as human beings...creating this vicious cycle of guilt, regret, and remorse? We walk through life in a continuous fog thinking back on all the ways we could have done it better or changed what we did...not realizing that we are doing the same thing we did earlier...it just looks different. It seems to be a vicious cycle.

While I'm thinking about this fear that has slowly creeped into my inner-self, I'm looking at pictures of my four kids, and I see their beautiful smiles smiling back at me. It dawns on me that each one of them knows that they are deeply and truly loved. Even though I may feel at times that I have screwed them up, what matters most in the end is that they know they are loved and accepted at the deepest level of their being...and I cannot fill that, only the love of Jesus can.

I will fail again and these fears will continue on...that is a guarantee, BUT through it all, I am so grateful! God is gracious and loving and forgiving. He knows me and loves me where I'm at! There is no damage I can do to any of my children that God cannot mend and for this I am so thankful! Thank you Jesus! I can point my children to You, but You call them and draw them to You. May my failures point them to You.

Scratching the Itch

I'm at a funny place right now. Funny may not be the right word...I'm just not sure what other word would be appropriate to describe right now.

Three years ago we moved back home with a goal. That goal was to find some land, learn the farming ropes, get involved with a human trafficking rescue organization and live in community with people as we farmed. This was where we believed God had called us. This was the ultimate scratch that would satisfy the itch we had been feeling for some time.

We moved back home. Check.

We got involved with a human trafficking organization. Check.

We quickly learned that what we wanted to do as rescuers was replacing our most important duties...being present parents to our 4 elementary school aged children, so we stopped. Uncheck.

We found a rental home on an acre where we could get some goats and chickens and somehow ended up with a llama. Check.

We learned how expensive the animal upkeep was and how mucking the stalls really wasn't all that glorious. Goats are heavy. When you trim their nails sometimes they step on you and it hurts. Milking them is a lot of work too...especially when your family doesn't like goat milk and you have more milk piling up in your freezer than you know what do with. One things for certain, I got really good at making ricotta...but even then, there's only so many recipes that call for that type of cheese! When the goats gave birth it was one of the most scary but exhilarating experiences of my life. They were supposed to be about 3 weeks apart but ended up going into labor on the same day. We started with 2 pregnant goats expecting them to have maybe one or two babies each. We ended up with one goat having triplets and the other having quadruplets. Mind you, we know nothing about goats. Thank you, Youtube, for teaching us everything we needed to know...like how to give a shot to a goat. How to castrate a goat. What a goat looks like in labor. How to cut the umbilical cord of a goat. How to milk a goat. How to de-horn a goat. How to butcher a chicken. Etc. After many tears (mostly from me...ok, all from me...) we came to the decision that farming may not be for us. Uncheck.

Now, here we are looking back over the last few years wondering what went wrong. We had these goals and truly believed that's where God was leading us. Reached the goals...but in the end, we failed miserably.

Looking back, I've tried to figure out what went wrong. Why did we fail? I think what I've come to conclude, is that the thing I lost sight of was where our kids fit in all of those goals and dreams. The goals and dreams in and of themselves weren't bad. It was not that we weren't following God's plan for our lives...it was more that we were going on this adventure and sort of dragging our kids along because, well, they were our kids. I got so wrapped up in what we were doing that I was missing out on being the mom our children needed. I wasn't seeing our kids as a gift from the Lord; I was seeing them as something holding me back. A burden. In the way of what I wanted to do. It was not pretty and I am not proud of it.

So, here I am, watching God strip another piece of yuck off of me that I am not proud of and it hurts! I see the ugliness and selfishness that is in me and I am disgusted and humbled, and I am reminded that God is not done with me yet. Thank you Jesus for being so patient with me! Thank you for your grace and mercy. Thank you for revealing to me the areas of my life that need to be molded and shaped into Your likeness only a little bit at a time and not all at once...for that would be overwhelming!

I thought the itch was something I needed to do, but I was wrong. I'm learning that the itch was actually someone I needed to become.....and that someone is Jesus. I will never be satisfied doing anything unless I am actively working toward becoming more like Christ. When I am actively working toward becoming more like Christ, I won't see my children as a burden or something that is holding be back from what I want to do. I will see them as the beautiful blessings they are and they will naturally become a part of the life journey God has called our family to.

Big Things Little Things

I always thought doing great things for God had something to do with being famous or doing something big for Jesus. Whether it be going to the ends of the earth to be a missionary or being martyred for preaching the Gospel; whether it be being an international speaker, writer of a best selling book or a worship leader of the largest church. This has been my definition of what the ultimate Christ follower was, as if it was something great to be achieved. Thus, I began to struggle with who I was and what I was doing. For years I fought this internal battle of feeling worthless and looking at what I was doing as not cutting it, because I wanted to be able to define myself as what I believed to be the "ultimate sold out Christian". These last few years have been eye-opening to me. I've journeyed through struggle and victory, frustration and peace and finally rest, knowing that what I am doing as a person really does not matter.

Let me explain myself. My whole life I have tried to define myself by what I do. In high school I was a youth leader, youth worship leader, and coach. That is how I viewed myself and what mattered to me. In college, all I could think of was marrying the love of my life. I was his and he was mine and that is who I was. When we got married and had a family, I was wife and mom. That is what I did and that is who I was. Later, we started working with a sex trafficking organization in town. I dug right in and began to define myself as the anti-sex trafficking activist. That was who I was and that was how I defined myself. Once we left that organization, we rented some land to start a community. We wanted to live off the land, raise some animals, and have a community of people around us who loved God and each other. It was all good, but then I began to define myself as that. I thought I was looking to God, but looking back, once I began to look at what we were doing and defined myself as the "farmer/caretaker/animal lover" and took my eyes off of God, it went from good to not good.

One lesson I am in the process of learning is that it does not matter what I do. What does matter is who I become. If I'm seeking the Lord every day and looking to Him for guidance, allowing Him to work in my heart and change me, then in the end, I will be made whole. I do not have to do big things for God in order to be a "good Christian". I do not need the world to pat me on the back and say, "well done!" I really do believe that God's view of big is not what we see as big. God sees the little things and those are bigger in His eyes that singing on stage at the largest church or writing a best selling book or speaking in front of thousands of people. There is a lot of freedom in that. I do not have to prove myself to anyone, nor do I have to prove myself to God. I can trust that God is teaching me and guiding me through life. I can know that He loves me.

MorFar & MorMor

Death is kind of a funny thing. No one likes to talk about it, yet it is one of those things in life in which no one can change.

For probably the last 10 years, we knew Morfar (my grandpa) was going to pass away. We often snickered behind my parent's back, mocking their, "Make sure you swing by and say goodbye to Morfar! We don't know how much longer we have with him." I probably said my final goodbyes to him hundreds of times. It wasn't until three weeks after he was put on hospice that I came by the house and I knew he was in his final moments. It hit me like nothing I had ever felt before. I had never lost anyone so close to me before.

I can remember going out of the room that afternoon all teary eyed and running into Mormor (my grandma). I asked her if she was ok. The absolute hell that woman must have been going through to see her husband of 62 years on his death bed! She was obviously trying so hard to be strong, but in that moment, she broke. She cried, "I have my moments." I remember crying into her chest as she held me. It was such a surreal moment; this wonderful, strong, loving woman, comforting me as I cried over the very real dawning that my dear grandpa, her husband, was going to be passing into the arms of Jesus very shortly. I wonder now how lonely those "moments" must have been for her.

That evening, my husband and I and our 4 kids went over to say our final goodbyes. I cried as each of my children kissed Morfar. I cried as Morfar looked into each one of their eyes and said, "I love you." There was never a doubt in my mind this man's love for his family. Hearing those final words to each one of my kiddos was a healing salve to my hurting heart.

Morfar and our daughter Kaitlyn had a really special bond. She was the one that would climb onto his lap and let him read to her. She was always the first one to run up to him and give him a hug. There were quite a handful of times during that evening he would look down at Kaitlyn and say, "Hello Kaitlyn." I can still hear him say those words.

Before we left, my husband turned around and gave Morfar a thumbs up. They smiled at each other and Morfar returned the thumbs up. He knew he was going to see Jesus face to face soon, and it was like they were saying a mutual, "See you on the other side."

The next evening Morfar had stopped communicating entirely. He was sleeping all the time now. I decided I should go over there one last time. I'm glad I did. One of the most powerful moments of my life happened that evening. It would be my last memory of my grandma and grandpa alive together. Morfar was having a coughing attack. I realized Mormor was in the room with him by herself, so I went in there to see if I could help with anything. I peeked in the room and there was Mormor taking Morfar's face in her hands and lovingly pleading with him, "You can go home now. I will be ok. Go to Jesus. I will be ok."

I kissed his forehead that night and said, "I love you," for the last time before I left.

The next morning was February 14th, 2014. Valentines Day. Morfar got to see his Savior. His passing was not a shock. We were expecting it. It was hard and sad, but we knew he was more alive than ever before.

Mormor made it two weeks and got through the funeral and burial. Then a few more days passed. She was home alone, walking outside to get the mail when she had a heart attack. She flagged down some neighbors that were walking by, then called the ambulance for help. She was rushed to the hospital where they opened up her clogged artery with a balloon.

She was still in the hospital, getting ready to be released to go to cardio rehab on March 10, 2014 when she suddenly had a major stroke. This beautiful, strong, loving woman passed away that same afternoon. As she breathed her last breathes, I echoed her words to her, "It's ok, you can go now. I love you." She died a few minutes after that.

I wish I could explain why it seemed so much easier saying goodbye to someone I expected to go. Yes it was extremely difficult to say goodbye to Morfar, but I was prepared. It was expected. I did not anticipate the agony my heart would feel to see Mormor on her death-bead. She was strong. She had more years left in her. She was not supposed to go yet.

I've heard it said that when you loose someone you've been with for so many years, when they pass away, it feels like a major amputation. I believe it.

Their love for the Lord and their love for each other was a testimony to everyone they came into contact with. Each and everyone of their kids, grandkids, and great-grandkids knew that they were dearly loved by Mormor and Morfar. Each and every one of us knew that Mormor and Morfar prayed for us every day. We knew that Mormor and Morfar were proud of us, not because of the things we had accomplished but because of who we were. They saw us as blessings from God and treated us as such. They were shoulders we cried on, listening ears when we needed one, they were prayer warriors and servant-hearted, they were teachers of art, sewing, rope knotting, jokes, songs and history. They are missed. They left this world a better place.

They had no monetary inheritance to leave behind, but what they did leave behind was an imprint much greater and of much more value than money. They left behind 3 generations of children, grandchildren, and great-grandchildren; all of whom knew they were loved dearly, prayed for daily, and treasured immeasurably.

You can let go

Child of mine, stop and listen to my voice. Do you hear me? As you stand there gazing at the beauty I created for you, do you hear the rustling of the leaves? Do you hear the bird chirping in the distance? Do you hear the crashing of the ocean waves? Stop and listen.

Child of mine, stop and feel my presence. Do you feel me? I’m in the breeze that kisses your face. I’m in the snow flake that melts in your hand. I’m in the sunbeam that warms your back. I’m in the frost that freezes your nose. Stop and feel.

Child of mine, stop and see me. Do you see me? I’m in the daisy that sits in full bloom drinking in the sunrays. I’m in the rainbow shining through the misty rain. I’m in the towering, snow-covered mountains. I’m in the rushing river and trickling brook. Stop and see.

Child of mine, you try too hard. You try too hard to impress those around you. You try too hard to be someone I did not create you to be. You try too hard to make the money you feel you deserve so that you can have the life you think you want. Rest, for I am here to bring you rest.

Child of mine, you worry too much. You worry too much about what tomorrow will bring. You worry too much about how your kids will turn out. You worry too much about what you will wear, eat, and drive. You worry too much about what kind of house you will live in and what career you will have. You worry too much about correct theology and whether everyone else is doing it right. Stop, for you can trust me.

Stop and let me be your guide. I am in control. The world is in my hands, you can let go.

Take Care of Yourself

I remember talking to a mom a couple of months ago who has two older sons. She was complaining about how she didn’t get her nap in that day and honestly, I wanted to reach out and slap her! But, I controlled myself and muttered mean things under my breath as I walked away from that conversation. You see, I have not had a nap in probably two years. Ever since my now 4-year-old daughter refused to take naps as soon as she turned 2. The conversation inside of my head went something like this, “What the heck lady! You’re complaining about not getting your daily nap today?!? How about not getting that peaceful restful nap for 2 years? Come on! You Suck.”

Now, I know my attitude was not the greatest. Ok, I was the one who sucked that day (that probably would have been a good time to grab a pen and paper and begin writing the things I’m thankful for). But really, something I did come away from that conversation with was an excuse that worked for me. Out of that conversation, I realized that it had been so long since I had taken a nap and that I was literally jealous of this lady. Something was not right. I knew something in my life had to change.

One of the most difficult things for me to do as a mom is take care of myself. With a husband, 4 children, a puppy, 2 pregnant goats, a llama, and 12 chickens running around, I kind of have my plate full. I do not have time to take a nap, and I tend to feel guilty when I do take some extra time for myself.  

Guilty. I think this is a very common feeling for moms. A mom may feel guilty because she is so tired and worn out that the only energy she has for that particular day is to feed her kids when they’re hungry. Or, a mom may feel guilty because she left her baby to cry in their crib a bit longer than normal because she just needed to sit in silence. Some moms feel guilty leaving their kids with a babysitter. Other moms feel guilty because they can never find a babysitter, so they’re always bailing out on plans at the last minute.

There are a lot of moms out there who are dying inside because they are so tired. They walk around in their sweat pants and holy shirts all day, just getting by, themselves. A mom needs to be able to have it be ok to take a shower. A mom needs it to be ok to sleep in late one morning. A mom needs it to be ok to be able to go out alone or with a friend to sit and enjoy a cup of coffee or a good book (by ALONE I mean “without kids”). Dads listen to me: your wife needs you to give her the ok to go out and be a woman! She will be a much better wife and mom when she takes the time to take care of herself.

By “taking care of yourself”, I don’t mean stop taking care of you family. I’m talking here to the moms who have a hard time putting down their children so they can have their own basic needs met. I’m also speaking to the moms who are so overwhelmed with mommyhood, that they don’t know how to make time for themselves to get out of the house ALONE. I’m speaking to the moms out there who do not feel beautiful because their lives are so wrapped around their children, they do not make time to feel beautiful. These are the moms I want to reach and encourage.

Worshiping God in the Mundane

As a stay-at-home mom, I struggled with feeling like what I do doesn't matter. With constantly cleaning the house, folding the clothes, and doing the dishes, I let my mind go there; I would get down on myself and think of how tedious and boring my life was.

I read this book called: The Quotidian Mysteries by Kathleen Norris. One quote in particular really hit home for me:

"It is a paradox of human life, that in worship, as in human love, it is in the routine and the everyday that we find the possibilities for the greatest transformation. Both worship and housework often seem perfunctory. And both, by the grace of God, may be anything but. At its Latin root, perfunctory means "to get through with," and we can easily see how liturgy, laundry and what has traditionally been conceived as "women's work" can be done in that indifferent spirit. But the joke is on us: what we think we are only "getting through" has the power to change us, just as we have the power to transform what seems meaningless-the endless repetitions of a litany or the motions of vacuuming a floor. What we dread as mindless activity can free us, mind and heart, for the workings of the Holy Spirit, and repetitive motions are conducive to devotions..."

As I finished the book, I went back and looked over this quote and realized how true it is. If I see what I do everyday as a way to worship God, then my purpose in life is to worship God. What a GREAT mission and life-purpose! We are called to worship God in everything we say and do, so if I can praise God while I'm feeling stuck in the mundane, how many more areas of my life can I have that same attitude? If I can worship God when I'm alone and quiet or at church, I can definitely worship God while changing diapers and picking up dog poop. If I can worship God while I'm hiking in the wilderness or singing worship songs in my car, I can definitely worship God while I'm washing the 50th dish of the day or folding the 105th item of clothing. If I have an attitude of worship and my life-purpose is worshiping God, then everything I find myself doing can be bringing praise and glory to God if I let it.

Friends

Something that is truly important as a mom is to have a friend (or friends) you can laugh with, trust, and really lean on when you need help. Let’s be honest, every mom whose ever been a mom needs a break every now and then. Every mom needs someone they can call up and say, “Hey, I need some help.”

Being a mom can be very isolating and lonely, especially when you don’t have that friend you can call up and say, “Hey, I need a friend.” It can be a huge struggle for moms to get out on play dates, moms groups, Bible studies, etc…but I highly recommend doing something, even if it’s once a month. If you are not involved in a group, get on Facebook and see if anyone is interested. You’d be surprised at how many lonely moms there are out there that may not have the courage to reach out and start something!

I actually did this a few months ago. I was feeling lonely, uninvolved, and wanted a friend. I looked around for a MOPS group and the closest one to me had a waiting list, and the other two in town were closing down. MOPS is a great way to meet friends and be encouraged, this is why I wanted to join a group, but it didn’t help me to be on a waiting list. I didn’t want to get involved in a Bible Study, because I’m kind of anti-homework right now.

Don’t get me wrong, Bible Studies are great for some women! I just happen to be in a place in my life where it seems a bit overwhelming and cumbersome to me to have to read a chapter in a book and endlessly bounce around my Bible so I can fill in the blanks for the next week. Honestly, I’m not trying to knock Bible Studies, and I know I will probably get some heated feedback from die-hard Bible Study people. I’m more speaking to the moms out there who may find joining a Bible Study a little too much right now.

So, not because of my lack of trying, I decided to appeal to my Facebook friends. I figured (as I usually do) that if I was lonely, maybe there was another lonely mom out there who would join me in starting a play group. I posted something simple like: “Anyone out there want to join a new play date group? If so, what day of the week works best for you?”  Sure enough, three moms responded. Since we started, only one mom has joined me in our Tuesday morning play groups. It’s small, but, I have my friend! I accomplished my mission! Yay for social media!

Sanctus Real sings a song that talks about the need for friendship. We were created with a unique need for relationship. Yes, we most definitely need God, but we also need each other. Here are some of the lyrics to their song, “We Need Each Other”:

Oh, oh, we need each other so what’s the fighting for
Oh, oh, we need each other, please don’t close the door
Oh, oh, we need each other through all the highs and lows
Oh, oh, we need each other and I don't wanna be alone

I need you, you need me
'Cause that’s the way it’s meant to be
I need you, we need each other
I don’t want to be alone

So, if you are a mom and you are feeling isolated and lonely, and you are not already involved in a mom’s group, play group, or Bible Study, I highly encourage you to find one or start your own. We were created to be in relationship with one another, so step out of your comfort zone and make a friend!

Our Minds

We need to focus on where our minds are. Paul says in Colossians 3:1-2:

“Since, then, you have been raised with Christ, set your hearts on things above, where Christ is, seated at the right hand of God. Set your minds on things above, not on earthly things.”

It’s hard to be down on yourself when you are praising God and setting your mind on things above. It’s very hard to be in a bad mood or snap at your children when you are thanking the Lord for the good things He’s done in your life. Try it sometime and see what happens. See how long you can continue being mad at the world when you are writing a list of things you are thankful for. This is actually something I have done with my oldest son. There have been times he has been very upset over something and his “punishment” has been to write a list of 50 things he’s thankful for. If he complains, I up it to 100, so he has learned very quickly to just quietly walk away and write the 50 things he’s thankful for. When he comes back with his list, he is much easier to talk to about his attitude, or whatever situation needs to be addressed.

When we intentionally set our minds on Christ, filling it with things that are good such as Bible verses, wholesome music, and books that are uplifting and encouraging, we begin to see a change in our attitudes and outlook on life. We begin to find ways to praise the Lord while we’re making dinner; we learn that we can pray for our children and husband as we do their laundry; we can thank the Lord for our children as we change dirty diapers; we can pray for our child’s future as we rock them at night and try to get them to go back to sleep.

You see, our mind is where everything starts. If we are able to focus our thoughts on good things and keep our thoughts there, our outlook on the day becomes much brighter.

One thing I’ve done to help keep my mind on things above, is I make sure I have worship music playing while I’m making dinner. This seems to drown out the excess noise and helps me focus my thoughts on the Lord. I’ve also left my Bible open to a certain passage on the counter (usually Psalms), so while I’m running around getting snacks and drinks for the kids during the day, I’m able to stop and look down for a minute, grab a verse and mull it over. I have heard of moms placing key Bible verses in common areas (the mirror in their bathroom, by the speedometer in their car, on their kitchen sink, on the fridge, on their computer screen) so they can keep their minds focused on the Lord. 

Praise the Lord

There's just something about being in a beautiful place that makes you stop and praise the Lord. When you know the One that made that place and who He made it for, it's all the more overwhelming. We were flying over the Caribbean the other other day and as I looked out my window at how absolutely beautiful everything was, I couldn't help but praise the Lord. It was such an awe-inspiring experience.

Now, as I look out the window of my hotel onto the Caribbean ocean, I am again awe inspired at the beauty of His creation. I am so thankful that my God is one who cares about the details, like what bird should have which call, or what fish should have what color, or what each leaf should look like.

Nothing goes unnoticed by our Maker. Even as I lie here with the flu on this trip I have been looking forward to for 10 years...I could complain...ok, yes, I have complained, but I'm realizing that that is not the point. Can I praise God even when things don't go my way? Can I praise God when I wish things turned out differently? Can I praise God even when the whole world seems to be crashing in all around me? YES! The good news, is YES, I can praise God. I can look around and thank Him for His awesome creation. I can hear the waves crashing onto the shore and praise the Lord, for He is good!

I can get stuck in my complaining mode, or I can choose to take my eyes off of myself and look out. Today I choose to look out and praise the Lord!

Supermom

There is a common misconception out there that a mom must be supermom. This often leads to feelings of frustration and guilt as one is trying to gain the supermom status. Sometimes this supermom expectation could be the idea that one must have the hour-long quiet time with the Lord she used to have in order to be the godly mom and wife she’s been called to be, but she is so up to her elbows in diapers, refereeing, and house duties, that hour of quiet with her Lord is quite impossible.

There are also supermom expectations that include: a spotless home, a healthy organic dinner being ready on time every evening, you must look good for your husband at all times or he will stray, and it’s your job as supermom to keep your family happy at all times. No wonder it can be overwhelming, isolating, and lonely being a mom! If I have to be the definition of supermom to be a good mom, I have failed miserably and God, help my kids!

If we allow supermom to define how we’re doing as a mom, something is going to fall through the cracks, and that usually ends up being our very own sanity! I have seen this happen too many times...to myself. I have gone many-a-days without a shower, throwing my hair up in a ponytail to hide the grease and tangles. I have gone many lunches without eating because I’m too busy getting my kids’ lunches together then cleaning up the kitchen and moving on to the next activity. I have had countless sleepless nights as babies and older kids learn to sleep through the night or get sick. I have eaten many cold dinners after the kids are done because I’ve been too busy trying to wrangle the kids during the meal to eat it when it’s hot. Taking care of our family is not a bad thing…it’s actually something we are called to do as wives and mothers. It’s when being “mom” replaces who we are in Christ, or when mom is only mom and nothing else. This is when a mom can easily burn out and not be the woman, wife, and mother God intends for her to be.

If you have been feeling guilty or frustrated because you can’t accomplish as much as you think Supermom Sally down the street can, stand up and say, “SUPERMOM DOES NOT EXIST!” Because, guess what? She doesn’t. There is no such thing as supermom. It is a figment of our imagination. It is something our society and/or our imaginations have made up to live up to something that is completely impossible. It is discouraging and unattainable.

Now that we know that supermom does not exist, we can begin to shred off the lies and misconceptions that come with the term “mom” and we can begin to walk in the truth and freedom that Christ brings. We can become the women, wives, and mothers that Christ has created us to be, and we can have more grace with ourselves when we feel we have messed up. 

Choosing Thankfulness

I'm writing this more for myself than anything, so bear with me.

I'm finding it very hard to be thankful when all I can focus on is the lack of money in the bank account, how freezing cold it is outside, and the lack of energy I'm feeling right now. It's funny, because this morning I kept complaining to the Lord about all my woes, and sure enough I open my Bible up to Psalm 147 and the first words I read are "Praise the Lord!". Not only does it say that in Psalm 147, but that is how Psalm 147, 148, 149 AND 150 all begin. Do I think the Lord might be trying to tell me something? Yes...but do I chose to listen? No.

It's hard to be thankful and praise the Lord when I set my mind on all the things that I see are wrong around me. When I focus on the negative, the world looks darker, more ominous, and it seems like everything is too big of a mountain for me to climb. I moan and groan; I complain; I'm not a very nice mom, wife, or friend; nothings gets done around the house; and I am just miserable. The last thing I want to do is sit down and praise the Lord.

Funny thing is though, it's the same the other way around. When I am choosing to be thankful and praise the Lord, the world looks brighter, those "mountains" look a bit more like rolling hills, I'm able to shift my focus off of myself and see the blessings around me. I'm a bit more joyful; a much nicer mom, wife and friend; things still may not get done around the house, but at least everyone is fed and happy.

I can see that even though there is no money in the bank account, there is food in the cupboards and refrigerator, we have heat in the house, and the kids are all healthy. I can look out my dinning room window at the amazing view of the mountains and be thankful. I can be thankful for the white snow that covers the ground, the animals we have, and that we just so happen to have a full tank of gas. I can be thankful for my amazing husband who is so patient with me and loves me through my weaknesses and failures. I can be thankful for my four amazing children who have taught me so much about the love of Christ. I can be thankful for the job my husband has and that he gets to come home this evening, the community we are a part of, and our wonderful church family. I can be thankful for the small things too, like hot coffee, Coffee Mate French Vanilla creamer, and the two new Curious George movies that are on Netflix right now. 

Yes, I can choose to be thankful. I can set my heart and mind on things above (Colossians 3) and I can praise the Lord (Psalm 147, 148, 149 AND 150). Today I choose to be thankful.

Lessons Learned as a PK

I was born and raised in the church. Born to missionary parents and then raised most of my life as a PK, I lived, breathed, bathed, ate, and slept church. I loved most of it, but there were also some pretty hard moments. Some of which included feeling like I needed to live to a higher standard and always feeling like someone was spying on me trying to see if I would fail at something I tried.

Looking back I think a lot of people just thought I was the naive little pastor's daughter, but in reality, I learned a lot by watching and observing people. When I saw someone get into trouble, I made a mental note that maybe I should not do that either. I always had a strong sense of what was right and what was wrong.

As I grew up and became an adult I began to notice how some things just didn't sit right with me. There were times when I didn't feel people were treated fairly and there were times when I thought things were dealt with  in an unjust way. This really bothered me because I thought the Church was supposed to be a place of forgiveness, acceptance, healing, restoration, love, mercy, etc.

Through my roller coaster ride of anger, bitterness, resentment, prayerfulness, repentance, forgiveness, and acceptance, I learned some things. I learned that people tend to judge others by their actions but they judge themselves by their intentions. I learned that God is God and I am not. I learned that when I am not looking to Jesus, I see the world through my own narrow lenses. I learned that there is no room for resentment and bitterness when I am truly walking with Jesus. I learned that the best way to overcome bitterness toward someone is to pray for them ... really truly pray for them. I learned that this world is not perfect, the Church is not perfect, and I am by far not perfect. I learned that I cannot control other people's actions, but I can control my own. I learned that the Church is made up of imperfect people trying to serve a perfect God.

I know I'm still in the process of learning and re-learning some of these lessons but I wanted to share these because I think they're important. It's hard to point the finger at someone else when you truly believe that Christ died for everyone including yourself.

Lightning McQueen Cake

I made a Lightning McQueen cake for my son's 2nd birthday this year. I started off with 2 boxes of cake mix, which made one 9x11 sheet cake, one 8x8 square cake and 4 cupcakes.

After the cakes were cooled, I took the 9x11 sheet cake out of the baking dish and placed it upside down on my decorating sheet. I then placed the 8x8 sheet cake (upside down) on top of the 9x11 using chocolate frosting to stick the two cakes together. Next, I used a picture off of the internet and a toy car we already had to carve away at the cakes to create my cake-mold. For the wheels, I cut off the bottoms of the cupcakes, and carved out round areas where I thought the wheels should go. Using chocolate frosting I glued on the fenders, foil and wheels.

Next, I wrapped the cake in plastic wrap and froze it over-night so it would be easier to frost.

What I should have done after freezing the cake was to just frost the whole thing in red and then do the decorative frosting, but I didn't because I was lazy. This created some difficulty with trying to get the decorative frosting to stick. So, next time, I will take the extra time to frost the whole cake with a flat layer of frosting first. I did, however, frost the very front of the car and the windshield with a first-layer of frosting, which made that part of the cake easier to decorate.

Here is the final result. As always, I warmed up the frosting in the microwave in a separate bowl before adding the coloring. I find that this makes it easier to squeeze the frosting out of the tube.

For the eyes, I just bought some fun candy eyes at our local grocery store. They are a bit small for the cake, but they worked.

You Know You're a Mom When...

You know you're a mom when all you can find to write down important information is a crayon.

You know you're a mom when you walk out the door unfazed that you have spit-up on your shoulder and boogers smeared on your pant legs.

You know you're a mom when your keen sense of smell detects that your child has pooped in the other room

You know you're a mom when you can recite in correct time and order the order of PBS Kids shows

You know you're a mom when you're in the store and realize you forgot to change out of your slippers

You know you're a mom when your child hands you a booger and you calmly walk over to the garbage to throw it away and then proceed to do what you were doing before

You know you're a mom when you're sick and still have to do the laundry, change diapers, do the dishes and make dinner

You know you're a mom when you can't remember the last time you were able to sleep through the whole night without having a child wake you up or you yourself needing to wake up to go to the bathroom

You know you're a mom when sleeping in means being excited that you were able to stay in bed until 7am

You know you're a mom when you can remember the first moment your child did NOT throw up on you

You know you're a mom when privacy goes out the window and peeing and pooping and showers are shared by the family

You know you're a mom when you know when a dance party is necessary

You know you're a mom when the moment the precious bundle was placed on your chest your heart was filled with an intense love you've never experienced before

You know you're a mom when you can see past the fighting and arguing and still love your kids as much as the day they were born

You know you're a mom when the little things your kids do melt your heart

Remember to love much, laugh lots, and be goofy

Internal Struggle

I am struggling today. There's this tug-of-war going on inside of me where part of me wants to wallow in my self-pity, the other part of me is trying to see everything through the "glass half full" perspective.

Sunday, we said goodbye to daddy for his work-week away, knowing we'd see him Thursday night when he got home. Monday we found out that once he got to work, it had been decided that he is needed through the weekend and through the following week. It would have been nice to know before he left that we wouldn't be seeing him for 12 days instead of 4, especially since he only packed for a 4-day work day. So, here I am wanting to wallow in my own self-pity making things even more miserable for everyone. 

I know I have two choices: I can be selfish and choose the easy way and nurse my wallowing, or I can step it up and choose to be thankful. I can be thankful that my husband has a job. I can be thankful that I can stay home with the kids. I can be thankful that we have food to eat, warm beds to sleep in, and that everyone is healthy. It's easier to stay positive when you start thinking about the things your thankful for.

Also what is helpful for me is thinking about verses such as: 

"You say, 'I am allowed to do anything,' but not everything is good for you. You say, 'I am allowed to do anything,' but not everything is beneficial."

                                                                                                                                1 Corinthians 10:23

"So we don't look at the troubles we can see now; rather, we fix our gaze on things that cannot be seen. For the things we see now will soon be gone, but the things we cannot see will last forever."

                                                                                                                                2 Corinthians 4:18

"Be thankful in all circumstances; for this is God's will for you who belong to Christ Jesus."

                                                                                                                              1 Thessalonians 5:18

"Enter His gates with thanksgiving, and His courts with praise. Give thanks to Him and praise His Name."

                                                                                                                                 Psalm 100:4

"Let the message about Christ, in all its richness, fill your lives. Teach and counsel each other with all the wisdom He gives. Sing psalms and hymns and spiritual songs to God with thankful hearts."

                                                                                                                                Colossians 3:16

Don't get me wrong, I sure like to focus on the hard moments in life, but it's definitely not good for me or beneficial to those around me, especially my kids. They need to see that even when life is hard, I have a stronger anchor through Jesus. I will probably continue this struggle throughout my life-time, but knowing that choosing to focus on the One who is my Anchor will keep me looking up through the storms. 

Strawberry Shortcake Cake

My two-year-old has been begging for a Strawberry Shortcake cake for her birthday for the last 2 months. I already decided I was going to try making my own fondant and use it to decorate a cake. After much searching, deciding, changing my mind, and then searching again, I found the perfect cake to make. I started with finding a fondant recipe. I have heard from many people that the store-bought fondant tastes terrible. I wanted to cover the whole cake in it, so I definitely didn't want horrible tasting fondant all over it.

I went to allrecipes.com and found a recipe for marshmallow fondant. After reading many of the reviews, I decided I would try using marshmallow fluff instead of following the directions for melting down the marshmallows. I took 2 cans of marshmallow fluff and stuck them in the refrigerator over night. I'm not sure why, but that's what the reviewer said to do. The next morning, I took them out and emptied them into my mixer. I continued to add powder sugar into the fluff until I thought it seemed like a good consistency. I have never made or used fondant, so I had no idea what the right consistency was supposed to be. Apparently, it's done when it is not sticky anymore. I ended up kneading it with my hands quite a bit, adding more and more powdered sugar. I probably used a whole 32oz bag of powdered sugar by the time I was done.

Next, I divided the fondant into different sized balls, estimating how much of each color I would need. I then proceeded to knead in the pink, red, green and yellow into the different balls, adding more powdered sugar as the coloring created stickier fondant.

I wrapped the balls in plastic wrap and put them in the freezer until I was ready to use them.

For the cake, I took 2 cake mixes, followed the directions on the box, and then poured them into four 9x9 round baking pans and baked them. While they were cooling, I took a whole container of Cool Whip and mixed in a small container of cut up fresh strawberries. After the cake was cooled, I cut out part of the top of each cake, scooped the Cool Whip mixture into the cake and layered the cake, making a 4 layered cake. Then I wrapped the cake in plastic wrap and put it into the freezer until it was completely frozen.

Next, I took a can of buttercream frosting and frosted the cake. I have read that this will help the fondant stick to the cake. Then I put the cake back in the freezer for when I was ready to tackle the fondant.

After letting the fondant thaw a bit, I realized I needed to mix in more powdered sugar, because it had become sticky again. I took the pink fondant and rolled it out using my wooden roller adding lots of powdered sugar, since it kept sticking to the roller. I rolled it out as much as I could and then placed it over the cake. Unfortunately, it was not large enough to go over the whole cake, so I improvised. I cut off some, so that it draped over the cake nicely. Next, I took the green fondant, rolled it out and wrapped it around the bottom of the cake.

I still had powdered sugar all over the fondant, so, after googling what to do, I grabbed my vegetable oil and paper towel, and proceeded to dab away the powdered sugar from the fondant. It worked very well. As for taste...well, I guess we'll find that out at the party :).

Now, I had a problem. I had the whole middle of the cake to figure out what to do about. I had a little bit of buttercream frosting left from a different jar, so I took that, mixed it with a lighter green color. After that, I took the red fondant and made little strawberries out of it. Using the green fondant again, I cut out small daisy-like flowers to use for the leafing on the strawberries. Next, I placed the strawberries as evenly around the cake as I could. I filled in the rest with the green buttercream frosting I had.

Thankfully I had just enough buttercream frosting. I did not want to have to go to the store again! I used the white fondant for the lettering on top of the cake and threw away the yellow.

I'm not sure if I will use fondant again. It wasn't the easiest or cleanest stuff to use, but I was determined to make it work. I am pretty happy with the end result, and I'm hoping it will taste good.

Extraordinary

This evening I was praying that God would speak to me. I feel like there's been this lingering silence and I was needing God to say something to me. I'm not sure if I've ever felt this desperate to want to hear God speak to me before. I've had this nagging tug on my heart the last few days and the tug has just gotten stronger and stronger.

As I prayed, I prayed for God to show me something...anything. I don't know if it's normal to get desperate for some sort of sign from God that you're on the right track when you feel like He's given you a vision to do something, but man, I feel like that a lot these days.

These last few days I feel like God has shown me an area of my life that I need to surrender to Him...more. It's a really ugly part of me that I like to keep hidden away. Unfortunately, like anything else I've tried to hide, God saw it. It came out rearing its ugly head a few times this last week, surprising me. I felt defeated, insignificant, and ashamed the times it happened. It completely ruined my weekend, because I felt so unready to serve God in any area of my life.

This evening after praying, I opened up my Bible to Isaiah. I read in chapter 1 verse 17 God's calling for Israel:

"Learn to do good. Seek justice. Help the oppressed. Defend the cause of orphans. Fight for the rights of widows."

That first sentence caught my eye. "Learn to do good." I asked God, "how am I supposed to learn to do good when I'm so messed up? How am I supposed to learn to do good when I feel so ashamed at my badness?"

I continued to read and I got to chapter 6. I absolutely love Isaiah chapter 6. As I read Isaiah crying out to God saying he was a sinful man, I felt this overwhelming peace wash over me. Isaiah was so scared because he saw God and knew he was going to die because he was a sinner. Verse 7 says:

"He touched my lips with it and said, 'See, this coal has touched your lips. Now your guilt is removed, and your sins are forgiven.'"

Right after that you read that the Lord asks who will go be the messenger to the Israelites and with no hesitation Isaiah says:

"Here I am. Send me." Isaiah 6:8b

Ah! I need to be like Isaiah. He was overwhelmed with God's presence until God forgave him. As soon as God forgave him, he was ready for his calling.

It's really easy to allow our faults to hinder our growth. We believe that once we have made the decision to follow Christ, we must be perfect little Christians. I'm learning that there is no such thing as this perfect little Christian I have made up in my head. There is, however, someone God is transforming me into, that is if I allow Him to do the work He needs to do in my heart. When I turn my focus from Christ to my faults and failures, my growth is stunted until I re-focus my eyes back on Jesus.

I have written in my Bible along side Isaiah 6:5-9:

Isaiah was not a perfect man, yet he was willing to go where God sent him.

Am I willing to go where God sends me?

Do I want to be a stunted Christian or be the extraordinary child of God I have been called to be?

Am I going to continue to focus on my failures, or allow God to forgive me so we can move on with the growth?

Dear Lord, You have called each and every one of Your children to be extraordinary. You have called us to go wherever You send us and to focus our eyes on You. God, I need You to teach me to be good as I grow closer to You. May I not focus on my sin and guilt, but You, Lord, only You.

The Pause

This morning I was sitting in my kitchen reading my Bible and drinking coffee while the kids were watching Sponge Bob and getting ready for the day. It was a wonderful quiet time...at least the moments where I wasn't interfering between the fighting, turning another Sponge Bob episode on, filling up another sippy cup with juice, getting the toddler off the table, turning on another computer game, getting the toddler off the table, taking my almost three-year-old to the bathroom, breaking up another argument, getting the toddler off the table, turning on a shower...yep, I'm sure either you've been there, or you can picture it very vividly!

As I began to get frustrated, I was reminded of how Jesus was with the children. He specifically told the disciples to let the children come to Him (Luke 18:6). There's just something about a child that is so innocent, so care-free, so pure...it's delightful and refreshing. In that moment, I realized how truly blessed I am.

May I always remember to pause and really soak in the blessings around me. They may seem irritable in the moment, but looking back, there's always a lesson to be learned. It's up to me to decide whether I'm going to take that moment to really hear what God has to teach me, or just let it pass by and miss an important lesson.