I have always struggled with not having a "cool" conversion story. I remember in high school and college hearing these stories of how so many people had these "turn to Jesus moments" and I felt kind of jealous. Not because I wanted to go through hell to find Jesus, but because I thought my story was boring. I didn't think anyone would want to hear it because I didn't think there was any excitement to it. I was embarrassed to go places where I knew I would have to share my testimony because I didn't feel like I had anything to say.
I grew up in a Christian home. Got baptized when I was 7. End of story. Yeah.
The last few months I feel like God is showing me how untrue that is. It is never the "end of the story" until you're face to face with God...but even then, that's just the beginning of eternity. So in reality, is it ever really truly the end of the story? I'm beginning to think not.
It never really dawned on me how ingrained these feeling were until I was reading about the things I needed to do in order to become a member at our new church. I read that I'm going to have to share my testimony with someone and I realized that I had no idea what to say. I couldn't share that I was on the streets and into drugs when all of a sudden Jesus appeared. I didn't have a story...so I thought.
Right around that time is when I started seeing some things inside of me that I didn't want to see. I started noticing how prideful I am. I started realizing that I'm really good at gossiping, but not so good at building other people up. I began to see how selfish my motives are. I started to see myself in a whole new light and was completely disgusted with the person I was seeing.
No, I don't have the obvious outward sins that other people might struggle with which makes for a "cool" story. What I do have is inward yuckness that Christ has revealed to me in a bombarding sort of way. I feel like He is saying, "no, you have not been burdened with sins that man sees, but you do have these areas in your heart that you have hidden away that I see, and you need to give those to Me. I despise those."
Talk about a humbling thump on the head. Thankfully, I serve a God who loves me despite my weaknesses. He sees my heart and even though He sees how terribly ugly it is, He still loves me and cares for me. Wow, I'm amazed at that.
I may not have had a super cool conversion story filled with awe-inspiring wowness, but I do have a story. And really, it's not my story, it's the story of Jesus that really matters.
Romans 7:24-25a NLT
"Oh, what a miserable person I am! Who will free me from this life that is dominated by sin and death? Thank God! The answer is in Jesus Christ our Lord!"
Romans 8:1-2 NLT
"So now there is no condemnation for those who belong to Christ Jesus. And because you belong to him, the power of the life-giving Spirit has freed you from the power of sin that leads to death."
