Choosing Thankfulness

I'm writing this more for myself than anything, so bear with me.

I'm finding it very hard to be thankful when all I can focus on is the lack of money in the bank account, how freezing cold it is outside, and the lack of energy I'm feeling right now. It's funny, because this morning I kept complaining to the Lord about all my woes, and sure enough I open my Bible up to Psalm 147 and the first words I read are "Praise the Lord!". Not only does it say that in Psalm 147, but that is how Psalm 147, 148, 149 AND 150 all begin. Do I think the Lord might be trying to tell me something? Yes...but do I chose to listen? No.

It's hard to be thankful and praise the Lord when I set my mind on all the things that I see are wrong around me. When I focus on the negative, the world looks darker, more ominous, and it seems like everything is too big of a mountain for me to climb. I moan and groan; I complain; I'm not a very nice mom, wife, or friend; nothings gets done around the house; and I am just miserable. The last thing I want to do is sit down and praise the Lord.

Funny thing is though, it's the same the other way around. When I am choosing to be thankful and praise the Lord, the world looks brighter, those "mountains" look a bit more like rolling hills, I'm able to shift my focus off of myself and see the blessings around me. I'm a bit more joyful; a much nicer mom, wife and friend; things still may not get done around the house, but at least everyone is fed and happy.

I can see that even though there is no money in the bank account, there is food in the cupboards and refrigerator, we have heat in the house, and the kids are all healthy. I can look out my dinning room window at the amazing view of the mountains and be thankful. I can be thankful for the white snow that covers the ground, the animals we have, and that we just so happen to have a full tank of gas. I can be thankful for my amazing husband who is so patient with me and loves me through my weaknesses and failures. I can be thankful for my four amazing children who have taught me so much about the love of Christ. I can be thankful for the job my husband has and that he gets to come home this evening, the community we are a part of, and our wonderful church family. I can be thankful for the small things too, like hot coffee, Coffee Mate French Vanilla creamer, and the two new Curious George movies that are on Netflix right now. 

Yes, I can choose to be thankful. I can set my heart and mind on things above (Colossians 3) and I can praise the Lord (Psalm 147, 148, 149 AND 150). Today I choose to be thankful.

Lessons Learned as a PK

I was born and raised in the church. Born to missionary parents and then raised most of my life as a PK, I lived, breathed, bathed, ate, and slept church. I loved most of it, but there were also some pretty hard moments. Some of which included feeling like I needed to live to a higher standard and always feeling like someone was spying on me trying to see if I would fail at something I tried.

Looking back I think a lot of people just thought I was the naive little pastor's daughter, but in reality, I learned a lot by watching and observing people. When I saw someone get into trouble, I made a mental note that maybe I should not do that either. I always had a strong sense of what was right and what was wrong.

As I grew up and became an adult I began to notice how some things just didn't sit right with me. There were times when I didn't feel people were treated fairly and there were times when I thought things were dealt with  in an unjust way. This really bothered me because I thought the Church was supposed to be a place of forgiveness, acceptance, healing, restoration, love, mercy, etc.

Through my roller coaster ride of anger, bitterness, resentment, prayerfulness, repentance, forgiveness, and acceptance, I learned some things. I learned that people tend to judge others by their actions but they judge themselves by their intentions. I learned that God is God and I am not. I learned that when I am not looking to Jesus, I see the world through my own narrow lenses. I learned that there is no room for resentment and bitterness when I am truly walking with Jesus. I learned that the best way to overcome bitterness toward someone is to pray for them ... really truly pray for them. I learned that this world is not perfect, the Church is not perfect, and I am by far not perfect. I learned that I cannot control other people's actions, but I can control my own. I learned that the Church is made up of imperfect people trying to serve a perfect God.

I know I'm still in the process of learning and re-learning some of these lessons but I wanted to share these because I think they're important. It's hard to point the finger at someone else when you truly believe that Christ died for everyone including yourself.

Lightning McQueen Cake

I made a Lightning McQueen cake for my son's 2nd birthday this year. I started off with 2 boxes of cake mix, which made one 9x11 sheet cake, one 8x8 square cake and 4 cupcakes.

After the cakes were cooled, I took the 9x11 sheet cake out of the baking dish and placed it upside down on my decorating sheet. I then placed the 8x8 sheet cake (upside down) on top of the 9x11 using chocolate frosting to stick the two cakes together. Next, I used a picture off of the internet and a toy car we already had to carve away at the cakes to create my cake-mold. For the wheels, I cut off the bottoms of the cupcakes, and carved out round areas where I thought the wheels should go. Using chocolate frosting I glued on the fenders, foil and wheels.

Next, I wrapped the cake in plastic wrap and froze it over-night so it would be easier to frost.

What I should have done after freezing the cake was to just frost the whole thing in red and then do the decorative frosting, but I didn't because I was lazy. This created some difficulty with trying to get the decorative frosting to stick. So, next time, I will take the extra time to frost the whole cake with a flat layer of frosting first. I did, however, frost the very front of the car and the windshield with a first-layer of frosting, which made that part of the cake easier to decorate.

Here is the final result. As always, I warmed up the frosting in the microwave in a separate bowl before adding the coloring. I find that this makes it easier to squeeze the frosting out of the tube.

For the eyes, I just bought some fun candy eyes at our local grocery store. They are a bit small for the cake, but they worked.

You Know You're a Mom When...

You know you're a mom when all you can find to write down important information is a crayon.

You know you're a mom when you walk out the door unfazed that you have spit-up on your shoulder and boogers smeared on your pant legs.

You know you're a mom when your keen sense of smell detects that your child has pooped in the other room

You know you're a mom when you can recite in correct time and order the order of PBS Kids shows

You know you're a mom when you're in the store and realize you forgot to change out of your slippers

You know you're a mom when your child hands you a booger and you calmly walk over to the garbage to throw it away and then proceed to do what you were doing before

You know you're a mom when you're sick and still have to do the laundry, change diapers, do the dishes and make dinner

You know you're a mom when you can't remember the last time you were able to sleep through the whole night without having a child wake you up or you yourself needing to wake up to go to the bathroom

You know you're a mom when sleeping in means being excited that you were able to stay in bed until 7am

You know you're a mom when you can remember the first moment your child did NOT throw up on you

You know you're a mom when privacy goes out the window and peeing and pooping and showers are shared by the family

You know you're a mom when you know when a dance party is necessary

You know you're a mom when the moment the precious bundle was placed on your chest your heart was filled with an intense love you've never experienced before

You know you're a mom when you can see past the fighting and arguing and still love your kids as much as the day they were born

You know you're a mom when the little things your kids do melt your heart

Remember to love much, laugh lots, and be goofy

Internal Struggle

I am struggling today. There's this tug-of-war going on inside of me where part of me wants to wallow in my self-pity, the other part of me is trying to see everything through the "glass half full" perspective.

Sunday, we said goodbye to daddy for his work-week away, knowing we'd see him Thursday night when he got home. Monday we found out that once he got to work, it had been decided that he is needed through the weekend and through the following week. It would have been nice to know before he left that we wouldn't be seeing him for 12 days instead of 4, especially since he only packed for a 4-day work day. So, here I am wanting to wallow in my own self-pity making things even more miserable for everyone. 

I know I have two choices: I can be selfish and choose the easy way and nurse my wallowing, or I can step it up and choose to be thankful. I can be thankful that my husband has a job. I can be thankful that I can stay home with the kids. I can be thankful that we have food to eat, warm beds to sleep in, and that everyone is healthy. It's easier to stay positive when you start thinking about the things your thankful for.

Also what is helpful for me is thinking about verses such as: 

"You say, 'I am allowed to do anything,' but not everything is good for you. You say, 'I am allowed to do anything,' but not everything is beneficial."

                                                                                                                                1 Corinthians 10:23

"So we don't look at the troubles we can see now; rather, we fix our gaze on things that cannot be seen. For the things we see now will soon be gone, but the things we cannot see will last forever."

                                                                                                                                2 Corinthians 4:18

"Be thankful in all circumstances; for this is God's will for you who belong to Christ Jesus."

                                                                                                                              1 Thessalonians 5:18

"Enter His gates with thanksgiving, and His courts with praise. Give thanks to Him and praise His Name."

                                                                                                                                 Psalm 100:4

"Let the message about Christ, in all its richness, fill your lives. Teach and counsel each other with all the wisdom He gives. Sing psalms and hymns and spiritual songs to God with thankful hearts."

                                                                                                                                Colossians 3:16

Don't get me wrong, I sure like to focus on the hard moments in life, but it's definitely not good for me or beneficial to those around me, especially my kids. They need to see that even when life is hard, I have a stronger anchor through Jesus. I will probably continue this struggle throughout my life-time, but knowing that choosing to focus on the One who is my Anchor will keep me looking up through the storms. 

Strawberry Shortcake Cake

My two-year-old has been begging for a Strawberry Shortcake cake for her birthday for the last 2 months. I already decided I was going to try making my own fondant and use it to decorate a cake. After much searching, deciding, changing my mind, and then searching again, I found the perfect cake to make. I started with finding a fondant recipe. I have heard from many people that the store-bought fondant tastes terrible. I wanted to cover the whole cake in it, so I definitely didn't want horrible tasting fondant all over it.

I went to allrecipes.com and found a recipe for marshmallow fondant. After reading many of the reviews, I decided I would try using marshmallow fluff instead of following the directions for melting down the marshmallows. I took 2 cans of marshmallow fluff and stuck them in the refrigerator over night. I'm not sure why, but that's what the reviewer said to do. The next morning, I took them out and emptied them into my mixer. I continued to add powder sugar into the fluff until I thought it seemed like a good consistency. I have never made or used fondant, so I had no idea what the right consistency was supposed to be. Apparently, it's done when it is not sticky anymore. I ended up kneading it with my hands quite a bit, adding more and more powdered sugar. I probably used a whole 32oz bag of powdered sugar by the time I was done.

Next, I divided the fondant into different sized balls, estimating how much of each color I would need. I then proceeded to knead in the pink, red, green and yellow into the different balls, adding more powdered sugar as the coloring created stickier fondant.

I wrapped the balls in plastic wrap and put them in the freezer until I was ready to use them.

For the cake, I took 2 cake mixes, followed the directions on the box, and then poured them into four 9x9 round baking pans and baked them. While they were cooling, I took a whole container of Cool Whip and mixed in a small container of cut up fresh strawberries. After the cake was cooled, I cut out part of the top of each cake, scooped the Cool Whip mixture into the cake and layered the cake, making a 4 layered cake. Then I wrapped the cake in plastic wrap and put it into the freezer until it was completely frozen.

Next, I took a can of buttercream frosting and frosted the cake. I have read that this will help the fondant stick to the cake. Then I put the cake back in the freezer for when I was ready to tackle the fondant.

After letting the fondant thaw a bit, I realized I needed to mix in more powdered sugar, because it had become sticky again. I took the pink fondant and rolled it out using my wooden roller adding lots of powdered sugar, since it kept sticking to the roller. I rolled it out as much as I could and then placed it over the cake. Unfortunately, it was not large enough to go over the whole cake, so I improvised. I cut off some, so that it draped over the cake nicely. Next, I took the green fondant, rolled it out and wrapped it around the bottom of the cake.

I still had powdered sugar all over the fondant, so, after googling what to do, I grabbed my vegetable oil and paper towel, and proceeded to dab away the powdered sugar from the fondant. It worked very well. As for taste...well, I guess we'll find that out at the party :).

Now, I had a problem. I had the whole middle of the cake to figure out what to do about. I had a little bit of buttercream frosting left from a different jar, so I took that, mixed it with a lighter green color. After that, I took the red fondant and made little strawberries out of it. Using the green fondant again, I cut out small daisy-like flowers to use for the leafing on the strawberries. Next, I placed the strawberries as evenly around the cake as I could. I filled in the rest with the green buttercream frosting I had.

Thankfully I had just enough buttercream frosting. I did not want to have to go to the store again! I used the white fondant for the lettering on top of the cake and threw away the yellow.

I'm not sure if I will use fondant again. It wasn't the easiest or cleanest stuff to use, but I was determined to make it work. I am pretty happy with the end result, and I'm hoping it will taste good.

Extraordinary

This evening I was praying that God would speak to me. I feel like there's been this lingering silence and I was needing God to say something to me. I'm not sure if I've ever felt this desperate to want to hear God speak to me before. I've had this nagging tug on my heart the last few days and the tug has just gotten stronger and stronger.

As I prayed, I prayed for God to show me something...anything. I don't know if it's normal to get desperate for some sort of sign from God that you're on the right track when you feel like He's given you a vision to do something, but man, I feel like that a lot these days.

These last few days I feel like God has shown me an area of my life that I need to surrender to Him...more. It's a really ugly part of me that I like to keep hidden away. Unfortunately, like anything else I've tried to hide, God saw it. It came out rearing its ugly head a few times this last week, surprising me. I felt defeated, insignificant, and ashamed the times it happened. It completely ruined my weekend, because I felt so unready to serve God in any area of my life.

This evening after praying, I opened up my Bible to Isaiah. I read in chapter 1 verse 17 God's calling for Israel:

"Learn to do good. Seek justice. Help the oppressed. Defend the cause of orphans. Fight for the rights of widows."

That first sentence caught my eye. "Learn to do good." I asked God, "how am I supposed to learn to do good when I'm so messed up? How am I supposed to learn to do good when I feel so ashamed at my badness?"

I continued to read and I got to chapter 6. I absolutely love Isaiah chapter 6. As I read Isaiah crying out to God saying he was a sinful man, I felt this overwhelming peace wash over me. Isaiah was so scared because he saw God and knew he was going to die because he was a sinner. Verse 7 says:

"He touched my lips with it and said, 'See, this coal has touched your lips. Now your guilt is removed, and your sins are forgiven.'"

Right after that you read that the Lord asks who will go be the messenger to the Israelites and with no hesitation Isaiah says:

"Here I am. Send me." Isaiah 6:8b

Ah! I need to be like Isaiah. He was overwhelmed with God's presence until God forgave him. As soon as God forgave him, he was ready for his calling.

It's really easy to allow our faults to hinder our growth. We believe that once we have made the decision to follow Christ, we must be perfect little Christians. I'm learning that there is no such thing as this perfect little Christian I have made up in my head. There is, however, someone God is transforming me into, that is if I allow Him to do the work He needs to do in my heart. When I turn my focus from Christ to my faults and failures, my growth is stunted until I re-focus my eyes back on Jesus.

I have written in my Bible along side Isaiah 6:5-9:

Isaiah was not a perfect man, yet he was willing to go where God sent him.

Am I willing to go where God sends me?

Do I want to be a stunted Christian or be the extraordinary child of God I have been called to be?

Am I going to continue to focus on my failures, or allow God to forgive me so we can move on with the growth?

Dear Lord, You have called each and every one of Your children to be extraordinary. You have called us to go wherever You send us and to focus our eyes on You. God, I need You to teach me to be good as I grow closer to You. May I not focus on my sin and guilt, but You, Lord, only You.